Addiction and Alcoholism In My Family

This past week, I was blessed to attend a presentation called “the harris project.”  Although it is born from a sad story, I am so grateful that this group exists.  The harris project, is a nonprofit found by Stephanie Marquesano. Stephanie is a Mom from Ardsley, NY who lost her son, Harris, to an overdose at 19.  This strong woman is one of the first people to bring light and awareness to a condition called co-occurring disorders (COD), and it affects on addiction. 

Getting An Education on Addiction

COD was previously not really identified and is the cross between mental illness and alcohol/drug dependency. The prevalence of children who have underlying or diagnosed mental illness and their chances of forming an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs.

Stephanie Marquesano is another example of a strong woman who used her grief to help others dealing with similar circumstances. There were a few times during this presentation when I had to fight back the tears. It is a very emotional subject when you have lived it, and you realize that her son could have been your child.

Three of my kids have had to deal with learning disabilities and/or psychiatric disorders; Joey has Down Syndrome, my son Artie, has ADD with a reading disability and my Isabella was diagnosed with ADHD. I refused to put either one on any medication because I never believed that was the answer. Addiction is hereditary and runs in the family, so I always stayed away from anything that could be addicting.

I was divorced from Artie’s father because he suffers from alcoholism and drug addiction. I wanted to save my son from the same path and hoped that “nurture” would win out over nature. Unfortunately, I didn’t have this information on co-occurring disorders. I wish I knew that his ADD, coupled with the hereditary factor, only made the odds lower that he could overcome what would be his inherent destiny. I believe my Artie is an example of this co-occurring disorder she is fighting so hard to bring to the forefront.

Addiction and My Child

Artie is and has always been a good-looking, charming young man. He is very sociable and has a lot of talents. On the outside, you would think he was terrific, but on the inside, he has severe self-esteem issues. He was one of the smaller kids in his class until the end of 9th grade. I think that in itself is difficult for boys, but Artie was dealing with so much more.

He struggled personally and academically. I had dropped the ball. Artie was my first with a learning issue, and I didn’t advocate for him as I should have.

Artie’s Educational Background

In second grade on a parent visitation day, I was in the class for 20 minutes, and he didn’t even notice me. He was looking out a window in his own world. That was my first clue. I set up a meeting and questioned the school principal and his teacher on his attention during class time. They both told me he was ok and sometimes he needed redirection, but that was normal.

I was also told how sweet he was because he would help move chairs in the classroom or offer to clean the chalkboard. The principal just loved him because he was so cute. I am sure he would smile at her and bat his long eyelashes with his big green eyes – and those dimples! Ugh! Charm oozed out his body by two, and he’d get away with any trouble he found himself in. I should have listened to my intuition, but I didn’t.

In his next level elementary school, he would require a lot of help but again told he was ok. In 5th grade, he had the best teacher.  She did stay on top of him and kept him organized. She was a savior, and I thought with her,  maybe he is going to be ok.  Maybe he just never had the right teacher?  He finally had somebody who wasn’t falling for the charm!

Not a lot of teachers had the energy to stay on top of him as she did. I thought this was great and the answer to my prayers as he was heading into middle school. I was hopeful…

Then we get to the MS. I was helping him with his homework more and more and more. My frustration level was through the roof. I decided during 6th grade I am no longer doing his homework and thought it best to meet with his guidance counselor. She told me he was just lazy and I believed her.  He didn’t like doing any school work, that was true, but I was questioning the depth of this. Is it that he didn’t like it or could he not do it?  Maybe a little bit of both?  Again – I let somebody convince me that I was wrong.

Then in 7th I stopped correcting his homework and decided the teachers needed to see what he could really do.  Artie had to write an essay, and I was not fixing anything.  He came home with a B+, and I freaked!  He couldn’t wait to show me that I was wrong, but this teacher could not have read the paper!  It was horrible, and the sentences weren’t complete – crazy.

Then somebody finally told me to write a letter to the school requesting to get him tested for learning disabilities.

If I wrote a letter, they HAD to test him.  How did I not know this and why had nobody ever told me that before?  That was when I found out his reading ability was 3 1/2 years under grade level.  That is a lot when you are only in 7th grade.  I was livid at the school and disappointed in myself.  How did I let this happen?

My son started drinking in 8th grade and smoking marijuana at the beginning of 9th grade. He was always trying to hide his many struggles — self-esteem, ADD, a reading disability, and so many personal conflicts.  His biggest personal battle, having a negligent father that was fighting his own demons and issues with addiction.

I knew things would be difficult with genetics, but I didn’t realize that with the underlying disability and psychological disorder,  the chances of him becoming somebody dependent on alcohol and/or drugs only compounded the statistic.

We tried many different programs.  I can’t get into too much detail involving the ups and downs.  The short story is we tried outpatient and inpatient programs, therapy and halfway houses.  He did not have success at first, and then he did and then he didn’t.  He is currently succeeding for 4 1/2 years, and I am so proud of him.

I know we are one of the lucky ones, but sadly, this isn’t the case for so many others. I wish I had the knowledge of co-occurring disorders when Artie was in school.  Maybe I would have been better equipped to help him fight his addictions or had strategies to keep him from making poor choices. This is part of Stephanie Marquesano’s mission and why I want to pass this information on to you – just in case you can relate.

My Thoughts on the Issue and Some Facts

Here are some other very alarming statistics:

Imagine … 70% of people who misuse drugs have some sort of psychological disorder. Mental illness is such a problem these days with OD’s and gun violence, yet remains on the bottom of the food chain with insurance companies.

There are all different kinds of mental illness or psychiatric disorders. Mental illness is a broad term that refers to any condition that affects a person’s behavior. It can be bipolar, depression, schizophrenia or it can be anxiety, OCD, ADD or ADHD.  Some kids have anxiety disorders that are born to them. Then there are kids with anxiety because of all the pressure put on them.

Getting into college is so challenging and competitive all on its own.   That competitions start in 9th grade and culminates in 11th and the beginning of their senior year.  Our kids also have so much peer pressure to deal with because of all the technology.  We had peer pressure growing up and waiting for the phone to ring, but now you can’t get away from it.  Everything everyone does is out there for all to see. If your child isn’t invited somewhere, it is literally in their face over and over again.

I haven’t even mentioned the pressure of playing competitive sports. How does a kid cope with all these pressures?  They drink, smoke pot, or maybe they ‘borrow’ their parents Xanax.  Perhaps some take Adderall to keep up with studying and compete with the grades of their friends and classmates? While some kids may have excellent coping skills, there are a lot of kids that can’t do it.

It seems lately the overdose rate is higher in upper or upper/middle-class school districts.

I think there is a misconception that those kids have more money and maybe more spoiled, but they are under a lot of stress too. Addiction and psychological disorders don’t know the socioeconomic background of their victims.

Maybe it isn’t the same – we all don’t have the same stress – but we all know how hard it is to keep up in a very competitive world.  Who are we to say that those don’t have as many struggles?  Maybe they aren’t living up to their parent’s standards?  But that could be anyone’s parents. Are they struggling to keep up with all the other kids getting better grades?  Aren’t they all.  The competition of “keeping up with the Jones”?  Maybe they too have a lot of underlying self-esteem issues?

Money doesn’t buy true confidence or self-regard. The bottom line is – WE DON’T KNOW – so who are we to judge?  Clearly, something leads every one of these kids, down this road of darkness and addiction.

Even as adults, we all try to hide our fears and anxieties because we don’t want peers to see our vulnerabilities – we are all human. It’s ok for kids to see it and for you to show it.  When you show the weaknesses, you can also show how to overcome them – this is the lesson.  We have to keep teaching.

The road to substance abuse and addiction has many lanes. 

It can be hereditary, through mental health issues, sports injuries, and even wisdom tooth removal.  If your child is susceptible to addiction, it can be as easy as going on a painkiller after removing a tooth.  Advil can be just as effective if not more than Percocet or other like painkillers. This is one of the many things you may want to consider if you think any of what you have read pertains to your child.

Do you think your child or a loved one may fit into any of these criteria? It would be proactive to learn more so you have the knowledge to combat what could be the future of your child. Knowledge is power! For so much more information, please visit the harris project.

If anyone ever has any questions about how I dealt with alcoholism or addiction in my life, please email me by clicking the envelope below. There will be more stories to come – I can promise that! You can also ask me anything about Downs Syndrome or parent advocacy or any of the topics I have written about – it will be private. My original motivation for starting this blog is to help others; it never occurred to me how much I would be educated!

As I continue to learn, I want to share all of that with all of you. If you share this story, it will be able to reach others and who knows how many people we can help!

Have a great week and let me know your thoughts.

So Much Love and Happy Sunday!

Sandy

#enlighten #empower #inspire #educate