Do You Believe in Angels?  

Two weeks ago I shared the news of my cancer and allude to the stress surrounding some insurance issues. As promised, I am sharing the reader’s digest version of what happened with what I hope will be an inspirational story on why I not only believe in the power of prayer, but also believe in Angels.

Angels will not disintegrate with logic, but they are more likely to fly for those who believe.

Terri Guillemets

So the insurance story …

For 4 long weeks, I fought with an insurance company to get approval for an out-of-network doctor. The retina specialist I saw recommended a doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering but my insurance said no.  My cancer is soooo rare that only three doctors in New York specialize in it and none of them are in my network.  It’s also so rare that only 5 -6 out of every million people get it.  Even the radiologist told us we had a better shot at hitting the lottery.  

Yes, folks, this is the way I roll – go big or go home!  

After 4 weeks of 100 phone calls and a lot of fighting, I was approved, received my diagnosis, and had all my testing lined up to start my treatment. Then the floor came out from under me when my insurance company denied any further treatment. The powers that be decided I had to see another doctor for a second opinion.  Another eye specialist who was also not in their network and couldn’t even perform the specific radiation I need.  

This was all explained to the insurance company several times, but it fell on deaf ears.  

Over and over, I asked whomever I was talking to,

“I don’t understand, am I just supposed to die?”  

I was running out of classes at work, having anxiety attacks, and basically freaking out …. how could this be?  My appts to meet the radiologist and upcoming surgery were canceled.  I was devastated.  I don’t understand why people would just let me die.  It sounds terrible, but these were the thoughts running through my mind.  Cancer is scary! 

I tried deflecting the negativity, after all, God would never do this to me, would he?  I felt so disconnected and tried to draw on any faith I could muster up. We all have to stay hopeful … without it, what’s left? 

I needed something!

My daughter knowing all of this, not only found an advocate to fight my insurance woes for me but gave me the book, Signs, by Laura Lynne Jackson. It is about connecting with our guardian angels and asking for help or to show us the light. I started working it and calling on my many angels to please help me.  She says in the book to ask for a sign, so I ask for snowballs.  

Why?  I don’t know … I figured that would be hard and a sure sign.  

The next morning, Wednesday 11/3,  I am at work trying desperately to figure out how I would get through my day. I hadn’t seen or dreamt of any snowballs and was wandering around an ELA class trying to control my anxiety when I saw a small poster I never noticed … 

I grabbed my phone, took a pic, and posted it on Facebook.  At that moment, I decide to sing this song in my head whenever I start to slip into despair. Later on that morning, I reach out to a woman in our business office. I explain my situation and desperately ask how fast I can get on the school’s health insurance. She sends me the paperwork to fill out and 3 hours later, I am dropping it off to her. She tells me since it’s only the 3rd, maybe they will approve it, if not, it will be 12/1.  

Ok … worse comes to worst, I have to start all over in a month.

At least it was something. I have to say, the thought of waiting another month is scary when you are pretty sure your tumor is growing. With all this stress, came a throbbing pain with more frequent and elaborate light shows as I was becoming hyper-aware of everything happening in my eye.  Stress was wreaking havoc on me and the battle to stay upbeat raged on.

I tell the MSK people what is going on – I have an advocate fighting insurance for me and I am applying for new insurance thru my job.  She tells me about a cancer support program offered through my work insurance and recommends I look into it while I wait for approval.

I know this is all I have left, but praying something has to give … cause every little thing is going to be alright.

I knew all these living angels were at work for me.  But I needed more …

That night, I have a dream about my friend and one of my many angels in heaven, Teri.  I am crying, saying how much I miss her and she hugs me apologizing, but she has to reschedule for Thursday at 4:30.  I don’t know what this means, but I knew it had to be something. There was a message in there!

The following morning, I called my friend and tell her I felt at peace for the first time since this journey started.  I did all I could do and felt a calmness.  It was in God’s hands.  I got into school and at 9 am, I went into my car for privacy and called the cancer support center.  I figured I may as well keep educating myself while I wait for whatever was going to happen. As soon as I start talking to this woman, she asks my name and birthdate and says to me,

“Oh, here you are!” 

I questioned her, “my name is in your system?” And she says yes.  

“And do I have an ID number?”

 Again, she says “yes, it’s right here.” 

WOW! I couldn’t help myself and started sobbing while telling this woman what I had been through. I can hear her catch her breath and she apologizes for my angst while asuring me I definitely had insurance. This earthly angel then proceeds to start my enrollment in this cancer program so that when the hospital checks, they will see I am all set. Technically I had to wait and talk to a nurse but if she backdates it and starts the process, all will be good.  

My faith in humanity went up a big notch!  I called Sloan and left messages with all the appropriate people and as the day went on, everything was aligned.  At 4:30 that afternoon, I received a call that my surgery was rescheduled for the following Thursday. That was the message in the dream!  

All of this was happening on Friday, 11/4.  I was so caught up in the frenzy, I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that this day was my sister-in-law’s first heavenly birthday.  

And it hit me … 

Those three little birds – Debra comes to visit in birds!   So Teri was one and Debra was the second, but what about the third? I decided not to read so much into this and the answer would come to me. It was a glorious day and I knew this was her birthday present to me!! We went to a mass celebrating her that night and I thanked her over and over in church. Afterward, we went back to my brother’s house and he opened her jewelry box for us and I took a beautiful wristlet rosary.  I asked if I could borrow it and he said she would want you to have it, of course, this was all her gift to me.  

I went home, got in bed with my rosary around my hand, and opened my iPad to this memory from 1/1/2020 ….

Yup … another sign this angel was at work and letting me know she was here for me.  

Leading up to her passing, Debra’s strength was apparent. She spoke of looking forward to being with her beloved Zach, and best friend, Kendra, who had died the year before from cancer.  So when I went for pre-surgical testing the following Monday, I didn’t think it was a coincidence the nurse who came in was named Kendra.  I had never met a Kendra before. Maybe she was my 3rd little bird? Maybe it was Zach or my other sister-in-law, Leslie? It doesn’t matter … I believe they are all with me lighting the way.

Those angels were always with me and fighting for me. I lost sight for a bit, but now I see more clearly than before. (no eye cancer pun intended) My connection is restored and I am going to do my darndest to never let that go again. My friends, I hope and pray you keep your hearts and minds open to those angels around you – their light is brighter for those who believe!

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As this Thursday is Thanksgiving, I want to say how thankful I am for my family, my earthly and heavenly angels, and all of you who are supporting me with all the love and prayers a girl can ask for. Next week the journey to radiation begins and I am ready for whatever that brings! xo

Much Love and Prayers Always,

Sandy

PS: PLEASE let me know if you need any specific prayers – I am always here.