Wonder: The Movie, Auggie and My Son

Last November, my Down Syndrome mom group and I, took our kids to see the movie Wonder.  The moms were in one row and our kids were in the row in front of us.  The sounds of sniffles were consistent and I knew where they were coming from.  I didn’t want to look because everyone needs their privacy, but I knew because I was part of that sniffle party.  The movie resonated with each of us moms.  I knew we were all putting ourselves in Julia Robert’s role of the mom, and our children, in the character of Auggie Pullman.

The Movie

August (Auggie) Pullman is a young boy who was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome.    TCS is a condition that affects the development of bones and facial tissue.   Auggie is homeschooled for years due to numerous surgeries and I presume, because of individual fears.  The mom being afraid to let go of her child and send him out in the big bad world, and the fear of the little boy as he is consumed by the stares of people everywhere he goes.   A fear us special parents live with daily.

Auggie and Joe

When the movie opens, Auggie is wearing an astronaut helmet so nobody can see him, but he also wants to be an astronaut when he grows up.  You see, he has the intelligence and is quite a science kid, but he doesn’t “look” intelligent.  It is amazing to see how many people pre-judge his intelligence based on his looks.  On the other hand, we live in a very judgmental society, so it doesn’t surprise me.

Those of us who have kids with Down Syndrome know a little bit about this.  I mentioned last week how one of my biggest pet peeves is people staring at my son.  It is a common occurrence in our world.  Our kids, as well as any child with facial features that show their disabilities, are judged before a word comes out of their mouth.  These kids have such different intelligence levels, just like everyone else.   Each one also possesses a gift,  just like everyone else.

Many of our kids have limited language, but that isn’t an indication of their intellectual abilities either.  There are many typical kids who have limited speaking ability because they may have been born deaf or possess speech delays.  But our kids are judged before they even open their mouths.

Fear and Discomfort

Julia Roberts (Mrs. Pullman) watches her son walk away and enter the school and I can feel her anguish.  How will the other kids be?  Will they bully or tease him?  Will they welcome him or will they be afraid of him?  I know all moms are afraid when their child goes to kindergarten or starts a new school, but can you imagine our fear?  The fear of a special mom?  You really can’t, unless you are one.

Admittedly, we have a lot more experience with fear than most parents because, for us, the worry starts a lot earlier.  From the day they are born, or in my case, from the results of my amnio – the angst for your child begins.  I watch Auggie’s mom keep the tears close and hold her composure – channeling the many times I have been there.  My friends and I are reliving our own moments and feeling her every emotion … we know.

Auggie says in the movie that meeting kids is harder than meeting adults.

 He talks about looking down and judging kids by their shoes.  Adults are more apt to make eye contact and make you feel more comfortable because they are not your peer.  I never really thought about it, but maybe that’s why Joe seems to have more adult friends in the “regular” world than kids?  Amongst his friends with different abilities, that is not the case.

However, when we are in “regular” world and Joey sees kids his age, he looks down and won’t make eye contact.  He feels their discomfort and behaves in kind.  With an adult – especially the ones who are special to him – he will give you a smile and a hug or shake your hand and be soooo excited to see you.

My little man will seek out the adults he knows and loves!   He will run over to me and say “Mom, look its Terry Sullivan” or “George Kennedy“.   If we are at a sporting event, you will find Joe sitting with a group of his adult male friends, never with any typical peers.  The adults always welcome him and he feels the comfort and safety of their acceptance.

Isn’t that every parent’s nightmare?  I bet the lunch period is the hardest one in school.  Will anyone sit with me?  Is anyone going to invite me to have lunch with them?  It stinks for every kid – I know that!  I constantly ask Joe who he eats lunch with and the answer is always the same … a boy named Justin.  Thank God they have each other because otherwise, would my handsome boy eat alone?

The Similarities Continue

Auggie is bullied in the movie and doesn’t want to go home and tell his parents.  Joe wouldn’t tell me either.  He, too, is a proud young man.   My guy will tough it out because that is how we raised him and he knows this is the world he has to live in.

Joe is stronger than most of the kids around him in school.  He has already had to endure so much in his life – just like Auggie.  Joe fought Leukemia for over two years and went through many procedures and chemo treatments.  The difficulty of going to school every day, whereas he got older and older, and the differences became more apparent –  in itself takes strength.   Our kids are brave and they show it every day by pushing through the limitations people put on them.

In the movie, Auggie’s biggest bully eventually gets caught and is suspended from school.  The parents sit in the office and try to defend their son. They complain that their child is too young to understand about Auggie.  It isn’t hard to see that this young man learned these behaviors in his home.  He is apologetic and we suddenly have sympathy for him.  It isn’t his fault, it is his parents who taught him.

As Joe got into 3rd grade, they started with co-taught classes and by 5th, the children with different abilities were in the classrooms most of the day with the other kids.  I know parents complained and requested their kids not to be in those classes.  People talked and I listened.   I never said anything, but I knew.  I don’t have time to deal with ignorance.

Joey would get picked on at the playground and you know who yelled at those kids? … Me!  

The parents stand with heads up their butts and say nothing.  Do they not know what to say?  Are they just that ignorant?  I can’t worry about that – I have a child to protect.

Mrs. Pullman – you beautiful, wonderful strong mom – I understood your constant worry.  Your strength gave me strength and your faith, gave me hope. I saw myself in you and never felt so close to a character, as I did you.

Auggie’s dad, played by Owen Wilson, tells his son that he hid his helmet because he wants to see his face; the beautiful face of his son, the boy he loves with all his heart.   I understand that feeling too – who wouldn’t want to see this handsome face every day!

It is a beautiful story with a happy ending.  The lesson of acceptance and inclusion is learned and you are forever changed just by watching this very real story.  We, as a group, had a moment …a kismet understanding and feeling that somebody out there really understood.  We realize that our children aren’t Auggie.  My child is not going to be an astronaut or a scientist, but the feeling of being understood was enough.  For me, it was the first time that understanding felt real.  Thank you, Mrs. Jaramillo, aka R.J. Palacio for giving me that feeling. and showing the world that what matters is the heart.

As Usual, My Final Thoughts

All school districts across the country should show the students the movie, Wonder.   Children need to learn empathy for their peers from a young age.  No matter a child’s looks or abilities; they have feelings, they have talents, they are smart and they are beautiful.  Beauty and handsome come from the heart and what a big heart my son has!  He is one awesome Uncle and the first to show the love when you need it most.   He was born with empathy and is quick with a hug, a compliment or a pat on the back if you are sad.  When the kids cry, he cries with them.

If you haven’t seen the movie, I can’t implore you enough, to take the time and watch it with your children.  It is appropriate for all ages, as it is never too early to learn the differences between all the Auggie’s and other children in our world.

Underneath, we all have the same beating heart that doesn’t want to be broken.  Everyone wants to be loved and accepted for the way they are;  regardless of race, gender, ethnic background, spiritual beliefs, size, facial features, physical or intellectual abilities.  We are all human beings.

If you have not seen Wonder and want to watch it, click here for movie link. If you are looking for another amazing special needs movie, but more appropriate for young adults, you can read my review on The Peanut Butter Falcon.

Thank you for being here and listening on this beautiful Sunday morning.  I wish you much love and please remember to be kind to one another … “as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”  Luke 6:31

xoxo,

Sandy

#enlighten #empower #inspire #educate #bekind

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