I Had A Nightmare Last Week

I’ve been losing my mind again. I feel like I did at the beginning of quarantine; I am up, I am down, and lashing out with my head spinning like a top. Life seems settled, and we are in a happy place, so what could be the reason? Why am I having nightmares?

There is so much talk about what is happening with schools, in regards to COVID. For lack of a better term, it’s a shitshow. I don’t have little kids, but I do need to know what my 19-year-old son with Down Syndrome is doing. Homeschooling last semester wasn’t for me. It’s eye-opening to see what needs improvement in the classroom (I am a hardass), but it was equally as frustrating for me to sit there and do it.

I had to learn a new level of patience and how to use zoom, blackboard, do power points, and virtual travel, etc. I did a lot of complaining about the way things were being done, and I shouldn’t have. Nobody in their wildest dreams thought something like this would ever happen, but I was wrapped up in my own misery. I do not envy the educators who have to navigate all this for a classroom of children, never mind a whole school. Who knew three months ago, we were only at the beginning of this nightmare.

Like so many others, I had to shift gears completely.

For me, freedom was so close after 30 years of having kids in school. I had recently started a job outside the house, was going to boot camp, and making my schedule around what I wanted to do, not 100% around my kids. It felt good!

Then the virus happened, and the wind blew out of my sails.

I was stuck back in the house. My mood swings were crazy, and I was walking through the stress to keep some sanity. I started feeling better when the unemployment problems were solved and money started coming in after two months of nothing. Schools were not opening, decisions were made, and life settled down knowing what you had to do.

Now, here we are embarking on another school year with no answers.

The other day, I was explaining to my friends my need to know what is going on in several districts. Between the one I work in, the three Joe is involved with, the kids I get after school, and their teacher mom – there are six different school districs hanging in the balance of my mind.

I am ok though, whatever it is, it is – or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Between all of that, keeping up with the blog, learning and selling the essential oils, family dynamics, politics, racism, lions, tigers, and bears, oh my. (Is this Oz?) And the fact that I think I really have a few ADD issues and mom-brain. I may be slightly delusional.

So back to my Joe…

He is in a transition program 18-21. It takes place on a college campus, Westchester Community College (WCC), but sponsored through Pleasantville High School. We live in the Valhalla School district, so for him, I need to know what is going on in three places.

I already know WCC is online. I have no idea what Valhalla is doing. If Pleasantville has school, then he will go there and follow a routine through them while taking online classes at WCC. It may be every other day at Pleasantville and online the other days. They do travel training on Fridays, they will probably have to keep that local, but what would that look like with all that is going on? Everything is up in the air as it is with most of the country. But I think I am ok …

So last night I have a nightmare.

I am driving to school to get Joe because there is no bussing. I am in the car with my friend, Joanie, and as I am pulling up, I see people coming from everywhere racing towards the school. Cars are parked all over, and I can’t find a spot anywhere close. The school is on some sort of lockdown, but we have to go in and get our kids.

Everyone is in panic mode, and I have no idea why, but now I am too. Joanie and I find a spot and run to the school. We are in a crowd of people, and I am looking around, and it strikes me that nobody is wearing a mask. I can’t understand what is wrong with these people. We are all jam-packed together, panicking over something – and NOBODY has on a mask.

Joanie saw somebody she knows, and she tells her where we can find my son. We head over there and are now waiting on a line. In front of us are administrators and teachers sitting at a long table with pencils and paper in front of them, checking as kids get picked up. Getting impatient, I yell out,

“Where is my son – his name is Joe Riguzzi.“

They all look at each other and shrug because nobody knows who he is. Then somebody speaks up and says,

“oh Joe Riguzzi is over there” and points in a direction.

We go running, and when we got to the place he was supposed to be, I still can’t find him. Then I woke up.

It isn’t hard to interpret that nightmare, and obviously, this is weighing on my mind more than I realize.

The fear of the unknown is a scary place. The world is exceptionally chaotic around us, and the number of people that think this is not serious is astounding. The schools are doing the best they can, but whatever decision made today can change tomorrow. Nobody knows what the right answer is, and the state of confusion seems to be getting worse.

Who is in control and taking charge of the situation? Who can we rely on to make the right decisions for this predicament we are in?

The only conclusion I can come up with is ourselves and God. At this point, where else can we put our faith?

I am going to make up my own ending to that nightmare. I find Joe, hug him, and take him home. It’s going to be mayhem, but realize that as long as he is safe and healthy, it will all be ok. This nightmare we are living will end someday soon, and all of this fear will be a distant memory.

All we can do right now is stay strong, healthy, wear a mask, and have faith in ourselves to make the right choices for our families, and believe God will make it all ok.

He will show us the way and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Much love and please, be kind to on another – things are tough enough out there,

Sandy

#enlighten #empower #inspire #educate #havefaith #bekind