A Beautiful Mess To Be Thankful For

As I was driving to work the other day, a sad Selena Gomez song was playing on the radio, and it occurred to me that I was smiling. It struck me because I have been going through my usual leading up to the holiday, November blues. My mind during this season can be quite a mess, and here I was a little joyful.

November is a roller coaster of emotions. We have family birthdays to celebrate, but anniversaries of tragic deaths to mourn at the same time. Thanksgiving and Christmas Day were a shit show growing up and then again through my second marriage. Most of those issues revolved around alcoholism within the family, and I swear that I have an underlying PTSD. Those days are long over, but I still deal with the everlasting effects.

But I felt it … the cloud had finally lifted, and there was genuine happiness! I was singing along with a feeling of contentment, and I knew why. My house is upside down, a total mess, but a beautiful mess, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

What’s going on in my home these days?

Three weeks ago, my daughter, Roberta, her boyfriend, Malachi, and rescue pup, Minnie, moved in. Since that time, I have had fluff from stuffed animals adorning the floors, stepped on half-eaten bones, and dishes fill the sink. The dishwasher runs almost daily because we have run out of glasses. Stuff was everywhere and my neat, clean house was a suddenly a freaking mess. I needed a quick adjustment for my mindset as my husband, and I were almost empty-nesters.

Monday, my Bella returned from school. I went three months without seeing her, and in that time, she turned 21, was sick with the coronavirus for 12 days, and stressed with all the remote learning through her graduate classes. It felt so good when I finally got to hug her! You don’t realize how you have been holding your breath until you finally exhale. She will be home for two months, so with her came more shoes to trip over when I walk in the door and glasses of water left everywhere. The mess has grown, and I am so grateful.

Then there is Joe. Last week, my phone rang at work, informing me of his exposure to Covid by somebody sitting next to him in a cooking class. Holy crap – I was a mess! I flew into panic mode with a flurry of phone calls to the DOH, pediatrician, husband, urgent care, etc. Joey was negative in the rapid test (we still haven’t gotten the long test back) but still had to quarantine in his room for a week while we held our breath. Joe handled it like a trooper.

Matter-of-fact, now he never wants to come out. He is like every other teenager, hiding in his room on the computer with the door shut. On Tuesday, he went back to school, and I can get my Joe hugs again – he squeezes me tight and lifts me right off the floor! So thankful to God for his strength and health, I figure the cancer was enough for a lifetime.

Life is crazy, but I am extremely grateful for this beautiful mess.

For the first time in years, I will have an over-flowing house for the duration of the holidays. My home and my heart are full. They are full of love, laughter, and conversation. I will continue to happily step on partially eaten dog treats while picking up the stuffing from animals that our grand-puppy has playfully destroyed. There will be crap all over the kitchen counters, an overflowing sink, and very little of the quiet space we were experiencing, but I will be smiling.