Rules: The Fun of Parenting

As many of you know, I am a Mom of 5 children born to me with 3 different men. Clearly, I have no problem shouting that out to the world. Sometimes life is tough and through the difficulties, my primary objective became raising good kids. I had a lot of screw-ups, but I needed to make it right with them. That is how life works. We live and learn to strive and evolve to better ourselves and become better human beings. I hoped to teach my kids not to make the same mistakes as I did. With that came a lot of rules.

I have written enough about my little breakfast club, so you know each one, Christine, Artie, Roberta, Isabella and Joey has their own story. With that being said, even though each was treated a little differently based on their particular lives and choices, I was a strict parent. I felt I had to be because of the upheaval I bestowed upon them due to my own decisions. I didn’t coddle them but was more firm, so they always knew and felt I was in control. It is my belief kids need that to feel safe.

My parenting altered in some ways because the world was a different place from my oldest to my youngest. But we had “Golden Rules” that did not change for any of the kids. So with input and reminders from my kids, here are some of the rules; a few are silly, but all are real.

House Rules

NO GUNS EVER! My kids were not allowed to play with guns ever. There were no fake guns, no water pistols, no little plastic army people or weapons of any sort. That started 30 years ago when it didn’t even seem to be a big issue. Maybe I was having premonitions of the world to come? All I know is I stuck with that to this day and even follow through with the kids I watch and my grandkids.

NO BARNEY – If I caved, it was because I needed peace. My problem was more with the young teens that were dancing around with him than the purple dinosaur … although his giggle kind of annoyed me.

Also, when it came to TV – I wouldn’t let the older kids watch MTV with the trashy videos. They were only allowed to watch VH-1 with the healthier, more clothed young men and women. Definitely giving my age away on that one. No Barney and NO MTV. But here comes Joey and that kid was watching Friends and Austin Powers at a young age. Now at 17 with the hormones finally kicking in, I realize that may have been a mistake.

At 12, they did their own laundry! I got tired of washing things that were in the hamper but looked unworn. It was more of a clean up your room, and anything and everything got thrown in the nearest receptacle – the hamper. It probably never got put away but thrown on the floor digging to get to whatever they were looking for and got rewashed over and over. When they turned 12, that wasn’t my problem anymore. Now that I think about it, that was probably when they stopped wearing underwear because none was ever clean.

We ate dinner together every night during the week. We did not sit in front of the TV, and no phone was ever answered. I would tell everyone, that unless it was God himself, we were not picking that phone up.

Curfew was the same for everyone. 9th grade was 10 pm, and we added on an hour each year, so when they were in 12th, it was 1 am. If I had to pick you up, the time was whatever worked for me and no later than 11pm. I didn’t care what everyone else was doing. Didn’t then, don’t now and never will. Those were my rules.

Technology Rules

I never let my kids play any handheld games. Matter of fact, I got one game system as a gift (not happy), and it was used for maybe a year, and that was it. There was a time limit to everything – Christine reminded me that it was only 30 minutes. The only game system we ever had after that was a Wii. I surprised them with it one Christmas because it was something we could all play together for some bonding and family fun. I felt the hand games, iPods, and phones were teaching the kids to look down and zone in on a screen. They weren’t looking up and at the world around them. I thought it was important for my kids to go outside and play to develop better social skills.

Another fun fact was my kids were not allowed to get cell phones until they were 16. When Isabella came along, it was harder because kids were getting phones younger and younger. The favorite time seemed to be 5th-grade graduation. In 7th grade, I left her at school one evening for softball practice, and when I came back 1.5 hours later, I found her waiting at the door with her equipment. The practice was canceled, and she couldn’t call me because there weren’t any working payphones at school. UGH! We ended up giving her a flip phone but she could only call us. I was holding onto that rule the best I could!

My older kids felt so sorry for Isabella that for 8th-grade graduation they got her an iPod that could send limited messages. They failed to tell me they were getting that for her, so the little shits put me in a bad position. I succumbed at Christmas a few months after she turned 15.

My point in all this? I believe no phone or games, lead them to have to talk to other humans and today, and they are wonderful conversationalists.

‘Just Because’ Rules

When any of my kids asked why? Why not mom? Why can’t I do this or that? Maybe I would entertain them with a reason or perhaps not. I don’t feel I always have to explain. I am the adult – you are the kid. Why? Because I said so. I haven’t changed and still doing it with my grandkids.

Can I go to so and so’s house? If I didn’t know them, then no. Well everyone else is going! Guess who doesn’t care? ME! I don’t care what everyone else does. But why can’t I go – BECAUSE I SAID SO! It is my parental prerogative to say no whenever I feel like it.

Can I go to the mall? Hell no! Well, all my friends are allowed to go. I don’t think I need to repeat myself …

Plenty of times, my children would tell me that everyone else’s mom said ‘yes’ to something. I wasn’t afraid to call another mom to verify. Meanwhile, you would find out that all the kids were telling their parents the same thing; that the other moms said yes. Having communication with the other parents was key.

I would go with my intuition on situations. If I didn’t feel good about it, I just said no. Sometimes if I wanted to avoid an argument over something ridiculous, I would find that I didn’t always need to be the bad guy. Trust me, they will ask me something ridiculous … like at 12, “can I go to a concert with my friends with no parental supervision.” My head would say NO FREAKING WAY! But I simply said, let me talk about it with the other parents and hope that everyone said no and all would be right with the world. It usually was.

Introduction and Greeting Rules

Always get up and say hello to an adult or anyone who walks in a room. When you meet somebody, you shake their hand. Not a weak handshake, but a firm handshake. My two sons will stand up and greet everyone with a smile and a handshake.

I am pretty sure that most people who know my kids will tell you that they are respectful, social human beings. That stuff starts at a very young age! I believe all children should address adults as Mr. and Mrs. My first kids began that way, and somehow that trend changed. I am not a fan. Mr. and Mrs. is a sign of respect and we have earned that respect. So many people will turn around and say “they can call me Sue.” I would go along with it not to be rude, but I didn’t want to!! I may have lost a little bit of the battle on Mr. & Mrs., but thankfully my children are respectful young adults.

Some Final Thoughts

Does any of this mean that my kids didn’t sneak out or smoke pot or drink before they were 21? Not even close, but I know I did what I thought was best. I didn’t take the easy way out. Being a parent is hard work. It is the hardest job in the world – hands down! You have to make decisions for little beings that can change the course of their whole life. I did and continue to do the best I can; praying the entire way because sometimes all you can do is give it up to God!

I think most of us can concur that parenting is a long learn-as-you-go process. There is no book that is going to give you all the all the answers. How can it? Everyone’s life circumstance is different, and no two children are exactly alike. So much of parenting is what I like to call mother’s intuition.

If I could give one piece of advice, it would be that you are the parent, and you know what’s best for your child. Trust your gut! If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t and if you are still unsure, try me at Ask Sandy … I love to help! Believe it or not, I am pretty good at this advice stuff.

Wishing you and your families much love & blessings today and every day and GO RAMS!

Sandy

#empower #enlighten #inspire #educate and always #BeKind