An Ask Sandy Response

A few weeks ago, I had a reader write in to ask me a question on my Ask Sandy. Unfortunately, on this particular question, there was no return email address, and I could not respond directly like I usually do.

I felt terrible and called my tech guy to see if he could do some kind of hacking and find it, but he was not able to. A couple of days ago, it occurred to me that I could respond this way. I am assuming that the person asking for advice is someone who is an email subscriber or a follower on social media. So to everyone else, I apologize for the intrusion, but I couldn’t live with myself if I did not respond. I take my commitments and somebody’s trust in me very seriously!

The Question:

A woman wrote in telling me she was ready to date after a 22-year marriage ended two years ago with her husband walking out for somebody else. She has been dating a man who had a similar experience with his wife leaving him. He is an extrovert and she, an introvert.

They have good conversations about their situation but she asks how she will know if this is meant to be?

My Ask Sandy response:

Hi K!  

Let me first thank you for reaching out to me and apologizing that this is how I am responding. I did not want to disappoint you and nobody knows who you are – including me!  

So, I know that trust is an issue when somebody moves out on you for somebody else, and if anyone understands, it would be your current beau if it has happened to him, too.  As far as him being more of an extrovert, I don’t think that matters.  Maybe he will bring you out of your own shell a little bit.   My husband and I have some things in common, but many things we don’t.  The essential things, like trust, respect, dependability, patience, kindness, etc. are what is truly important. If you have those in common, then you know you have something to build on.  

If you guys communicate well, that is huge!  A lack of communication is probably one of the biggest problems in most marriages.  

I believe relationships take time, and maybe it’s too soon to know if it was meant to be.  Are you having fun?  Does he make you smile?  Do you look forward to seeing him?  If the answer to those questions is yes, then keep going and don’t worry too much yet.  

Is your anxiety because you think you have to know the future? You don’t, and please don’t put that pressure on yourself.  

Is the anxiety because you don’t know if you can trust him or are afraid to?  It’s perfectly normal to feel that way, but don’t let somebody from your past ruin that for your future relationships. Have confidence that you are smarter now.  

I think it’s sweet you met on eharmony and good for you for being brave enough to do that!  

I don’t know if this helps at all, but we can keep chatting.  

Thank you so much for reaching out on Ask Sandy – I am honored!  

Sandy