Compassion & Empathy

Happy Sunday!  Today I want to follow up on last weeks post about spreading a positive message and being kind.   Because October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month and due to an incident on Twitter, I thought we should talk about compassion and empathy.

How Compassion & Empathy Differ

Although the two go hand in hand, there is a difference.  Compassion is being understanding of what another person may be going through.  Empathy is not only understanding but also being able to put yourself in their shoes and feel what that person is experiencing in that situation.  My ability to empathize for so many is due to my own life experiences.  It is hard to have empathy for a person or situation if you haven’t been in that same environment.  I can have empathy for a person whose child has cancer, but I have compassion for a homeless or hungry human being.  Either one of those situations can be helped by being kind.

Twitter Love

Behind all of those twitter id’s are real breathing human beings.  Some are venting and getting therapy by sharing laughs about their toddlers, teens or their jobs.  Others suffer from anxiety and/or depression and this is their way of communicating to the general population.  They struggle to leave their homes, but they need friends and love too.  Life is tough and guess what?  They get lots of support out there in twitter world!   Those humans behind their devices have compassion.

Each person finds their niche and builds their community of support.  Me – I mostly want to help and support everyone with a kind word when I come across a tweeter in need.  Not too many people actually read my tweets, but that’s ok.  I am here for other reasons and it is amazing what I have learned about life while following virtual strangers.

The Incident

This past week on twitter, I came across a tweet in which somebody was defending another twitter friend.  One woman had a teenager who was gay and apparently people had stopped following her because of this.  Another woman tweeted out, ‘then you can stop following me too.’  Twitter gets frustrating and is a job unto itself, and then you see things like this.  They are a genuine community.  I am just guessing these two tweeters have never met, but she had her friends back!  For all I know, they live in two different countries, but this other mom was making a statement.

I dare to say that maybe there is more compassion on twitter than in the human world.  This incident was an opportunity to repost the story about my daughter, Roberta and told people not to follow me either.  I only have 300 followers, but I had empathy for this woman.  I too have a gay child.  SO WHAT?! 

Her son and my daughter are human beings with a beating heart.  You liked her when you friended her in the first place, but now you don’t care for her?  Because she has a child, who is gay?  Shameful.  Since I didn’t have many friends in the first place, I only noticed two that stopped being “my friend” immediately.  My response to that is WHATEVER and all the connotations that go with it.  The rest of us compassionate and empathetic humans don’t need or want you to follow us.

However, with said, I will have some compassion for you.  I am sorry that you have such hatred and bigotry in your heart, that you can’t be kind to a fellow human because of that blackness in your soul.  All I can do is pray that your heart will change.  When your enlightenment comes, I hope it is not because of a sudden predicament that may be affecting you or your family.  I will remember that you are the way you because of how you were raised or a situation that may have occurred in your life.  I did not walk in your shoes.

Unfortunately, it is usually a sad circumstance that will make a hurtful person feel compassion.  However, I sincerely hope that it is because a ghost from the past, present, and future come to visit you in your dreams and you wake up a better human.

I want everyone to stop and think for a minute; Why do I feel this way?  Where do these notions of hate come from?  Then maybe you can try and change those feelings and spread some love.

Lack of Compassion

My son has Down Syndrome. I have no idea how it feels to be him, but I can tell you how it feels to be the Mom of a special child.  I can empathize with special need moms, but I have compassion for the children and adults with those beautiful souls.  Believe it or not, many people don’t.

About 6 years ago, I had an incident in my neighborhood.  We have been in my house for 20 years, and my son is 17, so we have lived here his whole life. We had a neighbor who lived across the street from us. There was a situation and the house needed to be sold.  It was one step from foreclosure when an organization called ARC came into the picture.

ARC is a community organization for adults with disabilities.  One of the things they do is buy homes appropriate for this special population.  This particular house was a ranch with one floor, the best option for handicapped people.  It was an ideal home with a long driveway for handicap vans, and it was set back with surrounding trees for maximum privacy.   Our neighborhood also has only one way in, so there is very little traffic.  Being that it was so close to foreclosure, the price was great.  The perfect scenario!

This home was to be bought for a middle-aged group that had been living together in a rental for several years.   For stability and finances, it made more sense for ARC to buy a new home for these folks than rent.  Before the sale of this house could go through, they had to go before a town board meeting.  Unfortunately, I had one particular neighbor who lived two streets away, and he made it his business to rile up every family to protest this sale.  My daughter and I went to this meeting in which every seat was taken.  We witnessed neighbor after neighbor stand and give a reason why they didn’t want this in their neighborhood.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. 

These people, some of whom came to a fundraiser for Joey because he had cancer, were protesting this sale.  All I kept thinking was how all these assholes kept telling me how cute my son was all these years, but they wouldn’t want him living in their neighborhood.  Can you imagine how hard that was? 

Another neighbor across the street, a special ed teacher, who also lived right next door to this house, said the most hateful thing.  She stood up and right in the face of the director of this organization said,

“You have heard everyone tell you they don’t want this to happen. Why would you want to live in a neighborhood where not one person wants you?”

What was going on here?   Where was the compassion in my neighbors?  My adrenaline was pumping, and my heart was breaking.

After hearing all this, I stood up, went to the podium and spoke.  I looked right at my neighbor and this caring man and said,

“I am ashamed at every one of these people in the room.  Not everyone felt that way, I would welcome you with open arms, and If you ever needed anything, I would be there to help.”

I was furious and shaking, ashamed at the inhumane display.  How could I continue to live here?   I didn’t speak to any of my neighbors for close to two years.

I bumped into the woman who lived behind me during Lent, and in the spirit of the season, I forgave her.   We both cried.  I imagine she felt horrible because she was a nurse, and you can’t be a nurse without compassion.  She also did come to my rescue with my kids a couple of times.  However, she was also one of the people who got up and spoke against it.

How could anyone, never mind a room full of people, get up, and say hurtful things in regards to people with disabilities?  Where was their compassion for the family in need who had to sell their home?  They could not empathize with me, as the mother of a person whose son would not be welcomed by them, but they should have compassion for other humans who do have the right to live with dignity in a safe neighborhood.

Final Thoughts

Another prayer by Maria Shriver in her book, I’ve Been Thinking;

Dear God, please give me the gift of empathy, of understanding another person’s life experiences.  Help me to listen to those experiences without judgment.  Soften my heart, so that I may feel the heart of another.  Amen

Please feel free to help me spread my positive message by visiting my store, Sunday with Sandy For A Cause.  25% of proceeds go back to a good cause.   The store will be there for a long time, as I will not give up my mission!

Please feel free to share this post, spread some love, give extra hugs this week and always #Bekind.

Much Love!

Sandy

#enlighten #empower #inspire #educate #spreadlovenothate